Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
