dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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