OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
