: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
