how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
