roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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