I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
