After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
