The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
