New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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