I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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