I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
