Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
