Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
