I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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