Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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