my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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