I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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