girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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