If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
