so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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