The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
