I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
