people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So squirting runs in the family.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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