I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
