I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
