you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
