I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
