So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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