Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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