christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
