Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
