Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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