I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
