Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
