I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
