were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You're like the curious george of whores
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
