Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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