dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
