Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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