I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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