dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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