two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This house was built for laser tag.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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