Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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