His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
