does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
