Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
