so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Someone shit on the floor
You smell like stripper and shame
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
