I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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