Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
