what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
