He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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