i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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