3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
