Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
