I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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