One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He called his prostate his "boner button".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
