...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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